CONSIDER...

BETHANY  So, Jonathan, I received a letter from one of our loyal readers.  Oprah W. from Chicago (last name concealed to protect reader's identity) asks, "You two are really funny, and you have awesome takes on pop culture and all things Wings, but where do all the jokes come from?"  Good question, Oprah!  I think we should address that today.  Jonathan, we've been friends a long time.  Do you remember if we have always been like this?  Has it developed over the years?  Honestly, it is difficult for me to remember a time when every other word we said to each other wasn't somehow part of an inside joke!

JONATHAN  Although our friendship wasn't immediately filled with inside jokes, I do think they happened pretty fast. As you well know, the first time we met, I was struck by how polite you were while playing cards. When we reconnected in college, I think we made that an inside joke (as well as Naila H. giving us a ride) pretty quickly. I think all these inside jokes come from us having such similar senses of humor and minds so that we pick up on the same things. Either that or it was when the radioactive inside joke spiders bit us. Yes, that was it. While we're rooting around in the mailbag, why don't we answer a few more letters? Here's one from someone named A. DiPesto...but it's all in rhymes...well, the gist is, "What do you have against Cybill Shepherd?"

BETHANY  Thanks for your question, Ms. DiPesto.  Where to even begin...Speaking only for myself, I find Cybill to be just a little less fantastic than she thinks she is.  That's not to say she isn't fantastic because is she ever!  She was so kind to autograph my 1st Edition of Cybill Disobedience, though.  So she does get points for that.  Next letter!  "HOW DID YOU GET THIS NUMBER?!?!  Sincerely, Lexington's Favorite DJ"  I'm not sure I understand.

JONATHAN  Let's hope that Lexington's taste has improved significantly since then! Which brings us to the next one, "I really think we're going to make it. I can't wait to meet your friends! Love, Lisa." Any clue what that's about?

BETHANY  Hmm...no idea.  But she sounds like a sweet girl.  And she sure seems keen on you!  I'd love to know more about her, and I'm sure I'll meet her soon!  Now, moving on to a really nice letter from a girl named C. D. Cat Lover: "Dear Jonathan and Bethany, Tomorrow is my dad's birthday and I have no idea what to get him.  HELP!"

JONATHAN  That's a tricky one! There two schools of thought on this one. You could try some fancy French perfume, a fondue pot, maybe a state-of-the-art CD player, or just settle for a fake seagull glued to a piece of driftwood. But I think you could do better, C.D. Cat Lover. In fact, I don't think you should stop looking until you find the ultimate gift! It might help to take a nice long walk around the building to gather your thoughts, and don't worry how long it takes or how hot it gets--every step brings you closer! Good luck! It feels so wonderful to help someone, doesn't it? Here's one addressed to you: "Dear Bethany, I have a really big soccer game against the rival village this morning. I haven't gotten out of bed yet or tried to move, but I have a great feeling it's going to be an unforgettable day! Any advice? Love, P. Trawick." Any thoughts, friend?

BETHANY  Wow, P.!  Sounds like it is going to be a great day!  I'm sure you will do great in the soccer game.  I'm reminded of the legend of La Llorona.  Have you ever heard of that, P.?  Oh, but what am I doing?  You have a big game to get to!  Jump out of bed and go get 'em, tiger!  And be sure to send us a follow-up, so we know how it went.  Wasn't that nice?  It's going to be a truly special day for that guy.  Okay, Jonathan, see if you can make heads or tails of this one.  It just says "Why?" and is signed The River: Karaoke In The Style of Garth Brooks.

JONATHAN  Hmm...that one is truly a mystery. Let's just file it away in this 10th grade World Civ textbook and forget it ever existed! Oh! Look at this one, in the shiny gold envelope that looks awfully familiar! I feel so official opening it, like my name is Sacheen Littlefeather! Let's see what it says. That's strange. It just says "You're welcome, world. M. Leo." What could that mean?

BETHANY  I'm not sure, but the world DOES feel a little bright now!  Consider... 
Now, THIS one is powerful.  You take this one.  It says, "Dear Ruby Bloggers, I was drawn to your blog because Ruby, Don't Take Your Love To Town has very special meaning for me.  But I need some advice.  My best friend, his girlfriend Lisa, and I went to an out-of-town Kenny Rogers concert, and on the way home, I was so worried that my friend was going to fall asleep while driving (it was so very late) that I sang Ruby for the entire car ride.  Well, I pulled my mission off successfully and kept him awake (and we're all alive today to show for it!), but for some perplexing reason, he was annoyed by my life-saving techniques!  Can you imagine?  How can I make him see that without my selfless devotion, he and Lisa wouldn't be alive to be the happy family they are today, along with their beautiful little girl, Bob?  Thanks... Sincerely, World's Greatest Friend"  Well, I for one am inspired by the care and concern that obviously exists in this friendship.  How awful to think of what could have happened!

JONATHAN  What a heartwarming and not-in-the-least-ear-splitting story! Let's hope that "World's Greatest Friend" is appreciated for being just that. And if not, maybe someone should buy them a rose! I'm really proud we can help people share their stories and answer their questions. Here's another one: "I've just escaped my bowling trophy! See you both soon! Love, U.I." Do you think we should wait around or go ahead to the all-night mall bowling alley like we planned?

BETHANY  Well, that letter was just silly!  And of course we should still go to the all-night mall bowling alley!  I have a feeling P. Trawick isn't the only one who is going to have a special day!  See you there soon, friend!